A couple of days ago, I heard my aunt telling us her perception of a love marriage. A couple meets, falls in love. The two spend a lot of time together, knowing each other, talking. And most of the times they end up marrying each other. The next morning, he cooks a breakfast of eggs and toast for her. And she wakes up to tell him that she is hates bread in the morning. All this while, they never spoke of their differnces, they were so head-over-heels in love with each other. He suddenly realizes that she does not dress to the occasion. All through their courtship, he had never noted what she wore, she looked beautiful anyway. These small differences, or awakenings, start gnawing at the foundation of their happy life. My aunt was quick to conclude that love marriages are failures.
It made me think if she was indeed right. It is true that people in love tend to ignore each other's flaws. They like to think they have chosen the perfect person. Marriage acts as an eye-opener. He realizes that the lady of his dreams cooks to kill, her sparkling prattle is useless banter and she is obssessed enough to turn his happy home to an institution. She wakes up to a not-so-dashing knight-in-armour, a lazy idiot who spends the entire weekend watching senseless football and never lends a hand at home. He hates her arguments, she hates his drinking, he loathes her friends, she despises his relatives. The list of complaints goes on.
What makes or breaks the marriage is what couples do with the list. They may decide to fight each point out, matching word for blow. Its quick, its simple and it always has a winner. And a loser too. It is a recipe for disaster. For, it not only cooks a stew of satisfaction and an instant vent to all pent up frustration, but also brews a sediment of ill-will. The leftovers are unpalatable and you are bound to wake up the next morning ready to throw up.
Or couples may decide to sort the points into silly, sillier and silliest. Some of them will help them have long discussions on evenings, some for senseless arguments in bed and the rest can be used readily for a hearty laugh.
It made me think if she was indeed right. It is true that people in love tend to ignore each other's flaws. They like to think they have chosen the perfect person. Marriage acts as an eye-opener. He realizes that the lady of his dreams cooks to kill, her sparkling prattle is useless banter and she is obssessed enough to turn his happy home to an institution. She wakes up to a not-so-dashing knight-in-armour, a lazy idiot who spends the entire weekend watching senseless football and never lends a hand at home. He hates her arguments, she hates his drinking, he loathes her friends, she despises his relatives. The list of complaints goes on.
What makes or breaks the marriage is what couples do with the list. They may decide to fight each point out, matching word for blow. Its quick, its simple and it always has a winner. And a loser too. It is a recipe for disaster. For, it not only cooks a stew of satisfaction and an instant vent to all pent up frustration, but also brews a sediment of ill-will. The leftovers are unpalatable and you are bound to wake up the next morning ready to throw up.
Or couples may decide to sort the points into silly, sillier and silliest. Some of them will help them have long discussions on evenings, some for senseless arguments in bed and the rest can be used readily for a hearty laugh.
Love only gets people together. But what helps them sail through life is profound respect for each other. If one doesn't respect the other's habits, work, nature etc it's a matter of time before the other one starts losing interest and attention wanders.
ReplyDeleteIt takes nearly 3-4 yrs to get to know someone completely as a life partner and once you're sure about someone it's your own responsibility to rekindle the spark in your relationship.
NO wonder divorces happen within the first 5-6 of a married life. It is that time when the love diminishes and there's little respect for the other.
Think bout it!!